It’s more of a science than you think. Behind every “thank you” is a psychological response—one that influences motivation, connection, and performance.
When Someone Says "Thank You"
Think about the last time someone thanked you for going above and beyond. How did you respond?
Many of us default to one of two:
– “Now you owe me one” (too transactional)
– “It's nothing” or “Just doing my job” (diminishing your effort)
Both responses miss an opportunity to strengthen your professional relationship.
As professionals, we often go the extra mile for our clients and colleagues. These moments create opportunities not just for gratitude, but for building stronger professional relationships through what Dr. Robert Cialdini calls the “Principle of Reciprocity.”
The Psychology Behind Gratitude
When someone feels grateful, they naturally want to reciprocate. This isn't manipulation—it's human nature. By acknowledging their gratitude appropriately, you honour both your effort and their appreciation.
The Cialdini Approach
Dr. Robert Cialdini, the world-renowned expert in persuasion psychology, reveals the exact response that transforms gratitude into future opportunity:
“Of course, I was glad to do it. Because if the situation were ever reversed, I know you'll do the same for me.”
This response accomplishes several things simultaneously:
1. It acknowledges your effort without diminishing it
2. It accepts their gratitude gracefully
3. It subtly establishes reciprocity as a natural part of your relationship
In an Asian context, we can find a balance response without downplaying our efforts by responding with, "I'm glad my help is useful and happy to contribute. I value our collaborative relationship." This maintains the psychological principle of reciprocity while honouring cultural values around modesty and relationship harmony.
Putting This Into Practice
This week, when someone thanks you for your assistance, try this approach. Notice how it feels different from your usual response, and observe how it might change the dynamic of your professional relationships over time.
Remember: The principle of reciprocity isn't about keeping score—it's about nurturing relationships where mutual support flows naturally.
In our next newsletter, we'll explore another of Dr. Cialdini's Principles of Persuasion and how it can enhance your professional interactions.
Building influence together,
Adrian
Principal Consultant, Erevna Leadership
Cialdini Method Certified Trainer®
Think about the last time someone thanked you for going above and beyond. How did you respond?
Many of us default to one of two:
– “Now you owe me one” (too transactional)
– “It's nothing” or “Just doing my job” (diminishing your effort)
Both responses miss an opportunity to strengthen your professional relationship.
As professionals, we often go the extra mile for our clients and colleagues. These moments create opportunities not just for gratitude, but for building stronger professional relationships through what Dr. Robert Cialdini calls the “Principle of Reciprocity.”
The Psychology Behind Gratitude
When someone feels grateful, they naturally want to reciprocate. This isn't manipulation—it's human nature. By acknowledging their gratitude appropriately, you honour both your effort and their appreciation.
The Cialdini Approach
Dr. Robert Cialdini, the world-renowned expert in persuasion psychology, reveals the exact response that transforms gratitude into future opportunity:
“Of course, I was glad to do it. Because if the situation were ever reversed, I know you'll do the same for me.”
This response accomplishes several things simultaneously:
1. It acknowledges your effort without diminishing it
2. It accepts their gratitude gracefully
3. It subtly establishes reciprocity as a natural part of your relationship
In an Asian context, we can find a balance response without downplaying our efforts by responding with, "I'm glad my help is useful and happy to contribute. I value our collaborative relationship." This maintains the psychological principle of reciprocity while honouring cultural values around modesty and relationship harmony.
Putting This Into Practice
This week, when someone thanks you for your assistance, try this approach. Notice how it feels different from your usual response, and observe how it might change the dynamic of your professional relationships over time.
Remember: The principle of reciprocity isn't about keeping score—it's about nurturing relationships where mutual support flows naturally.
In our next newsletter, we'll explore another of Dr. Cialdini's Principles of Persuasion and how it can enhance your professional interactions.
Building influence together,
Adrian
Principal Consultant, Erevna Leadership
Cialdini Method Certified Trainer®
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Cialdini Method Certified Trainer®Adrian ChongI am Adrian Chong and I lead Erevna Leadership Asia, a boutique leadership development consultancy representing world class solutions.
I personally speak, consult and deliver training on influence, persuasion and leadership conversations. I am one of a dozen professionals globally who have been personally trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini to be a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT). A big part of my role is to drive the business. Connect with me if you are looking for opportunities to develop yourself or your teams or simply have common interests. |